Having written a series of posts looking at all the positive ways in which schools are approaching teaching and learning, I thought I’d have a little fun considering a different approach.
A quick guide to how not to teach
Don’t bother to get to know your children. Those tracking sheets from the last teacher or from their last school? Put them to one side. You’ll look at them when you’ve got to know the child(ren) for yourself. Anyway, your motto is keep it simple. This information will only confuse you and distract you from the job of getting across the maximum information in the shortest time.
Don’t bother with the little details that the children bring into school. Not feeling well after a bad night’s sleep? Hamster, family member died? They’ve got a problem with being bullied? They’ve come to school to learn. Not your job to molly coddle them. That can be someone else’s job.
Planning? You know where you are going. Why do you need to write it down in such detail? Anyway, with the work is based on a textbook, that’s the plan isn’t it?
Differentiation? Planning for and anticipating different needs? You’ll see when the time comes. Probably good for the soul to tell them what you think about them.
Don’t bother to get to know your children. Those tracking sheets from the last teacher or from their last school? Put them to one side. You’ll look at them when you’ve got to know the child(ren) for yourself. Anyway, your motto is keep it simple. This information will only confuse you and distract you from the job of getting across the maximum information in the shortest time.
Don’t bother with the little details that the children bring into school. Not feeling well after a bad night’s sleep? Hamster, family member died? They’ve got a problem with being bullied? They’ve come to school to learn. Not your job to molly coddle them. That can be someone else’s job.
Planning? You know where you are going. Why do you need to write it down in such detail? Anyway, with the work is based on a textbook, that’s the plan isn’t it?
Differentiation? Planning for and anticipating different needs? You’ll see when the time comes. Probably good for the soul to tell them what you think about them.
Don’t bother with images, artefacts, concrete apparatus and all that hocus pocus called VAK and Brain Gym. Makes life easier, just tell them what they need to know. Don’t want them fiddling with stuff and distracting themselves. Talk in a lesson? Yes, their job is to listen. It’s not your problem if they aren’t listening.
Actually, the class next door is a lesson ahead; maybe borrow the plans and the worksheets? That’ll save a lot of time, no need to reinvent the wheel after all.
What’s with assessment for learning? Thinking about their learning during the lesson? Surely that’s a distraction. They have a job to do, so make them get on with it. Why interrupt them with a series of questions? You’ll soon find out what they know when they hand in their work.
Marking? Take in the books at the end of the lesson, count the pages of work done and judge how much they’ve done in the time available. After all, it’s quantity of work done that counts and you’ve got to have a lot in their books. Tick the books, so it’s clear that they’ve been opened.
Testing is great. They are quiet for an hour while they try to answer your questions. They are easily marked and then the class can be put in order. It’s good for them to know where they are in the class. They can all aspire to be first and work even harder. In fact, it’s your job to keep telling them to work harder.
Don’t worry about parents! They just get in the way. If in doubt spend a lot of time “in meetings”; that way you’ll have a reasonable excuse and demonstrate that you are “someone special”, so they really should be pleased you are their child’s teacher.
Reports? Just tell it like it really is. Why be soft? If you’re hard now they’ll learn resilience.
Actually, the class next door is a lesson ahead; maybe borrow the plans and the worksheets? That’ll save a lot of time, no need to reinvent the wheel after all.
What’s with assessment for learning? Thinking about their learning during the lesson? Surely that’s a distraction. They have a job to do, so make them get on with it. Why interrupt them with a series of questions? You’ll soon find out what they know when they hand in their work.
Marking? Take in the books at the end of the lesson, count the pages of work done and judge how much they’ve done in the time available. After all, it’s quantity of work done that counts and you’ve got to have a lot in their books. Tick the books, so it’s clear that they’ve been opened.
Testing is great. They are quiet for an hour while they try to answer your questions. They are easily marked and then the class can be put in order. It’s good for them to know where they are in the class. They can all aspire to be first and work even harder. In fact, it’s your job to keep telling them to work harder.
Don’t worry about parents! They just get in the way. If in doubt spend a lot of time “in meetings”; that way you’ll have a reasonable excuse and demonstrate that you are “someone special”, so they really should be pleased you are their child’s teacher.
Reports? Just tell it like it really is. Why be soft? If you’re hard now they’ll learn resilience.
An inspector calls? What do you mean, unsatisfactory? Look, you just don’t know what good is…
RSS Feed
